The Great Tooth Tragedy

I am not a perfect parent. Despite my feeble efforts, I make a TON of mistakes.

I know. Hard to believe, huh?

For instance, there was the time that one teeny-tiny tooth ruined any chances for me being crowned "Mother of the Year."

My nine year old daughter, Kk, had been trying to lose that stubborn little tooth for several weeks. You see, her grown up tooth was coming in and pushing on it, and it hurt!

So I encouraged her to start wiggling it.

"Wiggle it every. single. day," I told her.

What I did NOT tell her was to tell me every single time she did it.  Needless to say, I heard a lot about that little ole tooth.

Then, one day, during dinner. It finally happened. That stubborn little tooth was hanging by a thread and so I told Kk, "Just pull that sucker out already!" and SURPRISE! She actually did it!

Out it popped. One tiny little white baby tooth. I told her very specifically "put the tooth in a baggie right now, so we don't lose it" and went on my way, assuming (I know! Stupid, stupid, stupid!) that she would follow my directions.

A little while later, I was cleaning up the kitchen (Man those kids make a mess quick!) and there were a whole bunch of cups and bowls on the counter filled with water. So I emptied them. I cleaned out the sink, ran the disposer, washed down the counters and went on my merry way.

I was feeling pretty proud that for once my kitchen was clean.

Fast forward to bedtime. Kk comes running from the kitchen, frantic and crying something about a bowl and a tooth and wha wha wha....

I don't speak whinese very well, but thankfully her older sister, Jessi, was there to translate,

"Mom! Did you dump that bowl on the counter?"

To which I happily replied, "Yea! I cleaned the whole kitchen up. Man, you guys really need to learn to pick up after yourselves...."

"MOM! KK's TOOTH WAS IN THERE!"

Say what? "I thought I told you guys to put it in a BAGGIE??"

And then Kk chimes in (in whinese of course) "Buuuuuuuut Jesssiiiiiiii tooooooold meeeee toooo puuuuuut it in waaaaaater to get cleeeeeaaaaaan!" (Well, kid, that was your FIRST mistake. Don't EVER listen to your older sister's advice over your mother's! Then you wouldn't have these kinds of regrets! It's kind of too late now. That sucker is loooong gone. )

"Ooooooh. I'm so sorry sweetie. Next time you better just follow directions. Then we wouldn't have these kinds of tooth tragedies..."

A half hour later, apology note to tooth fairy written and placed ever so carefully under her pillow, she finally calmed down enough for bed.

Whew!

What a lot of hassle over one little tooth.

Now, if the tooth fairy could only remember to come to our house...we'd be golden.

photo credit: antpkr via freedigitalphotos.net

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How to accomplish things on your day off in 16 easy steps

Step 1
Peel yourself out of a warm bed at the horrible screeching of your alarm clock. Find solace in the fact that in exactly one hour you will have EIGHT HOURS of uninterrupted silence.

Step 2
Hurry and help the kids get around for school. After all, nothing motivates a mother more than the promise of solitude! Be sure to almost forget to pack their lunches because last minute panic really gets your blood pumping.

Step 3
Dutifully stand at the bus stop with your kids and pretend to look disappointed when the bus FINALLY pulls in. Refrain from doing cartwheels the whole way home. You don't want to spend your day off in the hospital (or give the neighbors anything else to whisper about you!)

Step 4
Make yourself a giant-sized cup of coffee to help you focus.  Walk away while it brews and forget that you made it.

Step 5
Hunt down a piece of paper and a pen to make a To-Do list for the day. Maybe in the desk? Nope. Not there. In the kitchen junk drawer? Of course not. WHERE ON EARTH ARE ALL THE WRITING UTENSILS IN THIS HOUSE?!!! Finally find a crayon in the bathroom and an old grocery store receipt. Whatever. It works.

Step 6
Begin writing your list. Set it down in the counter when you remember about your cup of coffee. Add creamer to your coffee and then set your cup down on the counter when you realize that you HAVE to at least do ONE load of laundry today.

Step 7
Head off to the laundry room. Try hard to refrain from looking into the children's rooms for dirty laundry, no sense getting yourself all worked up on your day off. Besides, if they have to wear dirty clothes tomorrow it will provide them with a valuable lesson about listening to their mother. Put some laundry in the washing machine. Head back to the kitchen to tackle that list.

Step 8
Completely ignoring the list, settle in at the kitchen table with your phone and catch up on the daily down-low (by scrolling through Facebook.) Remember about that cup of coffee. Oooh, it is still hot! Try to recall the last time you were able to enjoy your coffee without having to reheat it in the microwave fifteen times.

Step 9
Realize that it has been over an hour since putting the kids on the bus and you have not accomplished a thing on your list. Try and remember where you set that dumb ole thing. While searching for your list, remember that you work better when listening to music. Turn on the TV and search for the remote. Now where did the kids put that stupid thing? Turn the living room upside down looking for it. Find it in the bathroom.

Step 10
Now that you have the remote in hand, forget WHY you were looking for it, and settle in on the couch to catch up on some Netflix. You vaguely remember what it is like to pick the program. It feels good!

Step 11
After watching five episodes of your favorite show (THANK YOU, NETFLIX!), realize that you were SUPPOSED to be tackling that list! Whoops. Back to the list.

Step 12
OH NO! You forgot the laundry! Head to the laundry room to move the laundry to the dryer and start another load. Pat yourself on the back that you remembered BEFORE the mildew set in this time. You are so awesome.

Step 13
Open the dishwasher to start a load of dishes. Your phone rings. It's your mother. Answer it. After all, when was the last time you were able to chat without sounding like you had a severe case of Tourettes? And she knows that you are home alone and don't have an excuse for NOT answering. Catch up on ALL the latest family gossip. Realize you have been on the phone for almost half an hour. Tell your mother that you REALLY need to accomplish something today, so you will have to get off the phone. Listen as she tells you five more "important" things. Gently remind her that you need to hang up. Continue listening to her for another half hour. Pretend your other line is ringing to finally get off the phone.

Step 14
Head back to that list.

Step 15
Hear the distinct sound of a school bus rumbling down the road. Look at the clock. WHAT? It must be wrong! It is 3:00 already? Run to the laundry room to look like you are hard at work folding laundry as you hear the children's shouts outside, followed by the slamming of the door and the inevitable "MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM" that follows.

Step 16
Concede that you can't live in a perfectly clean house AND enjoy your day off. It just wasn't meant to be. Besides, kids NEED chores to help build character and responsibility. You can try again next week. Now you get to tackle making dinner while helping with homework.

And that is a whole new list.

photo credit: stock images at freedigitalphotos.net

How do you enjoy YOUR day off? Share it with me in the comments!

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DISCLOSURE: I am a Netflix Brand Ambassador. I receive free products and service for mentioning them in blog posts. But don't let this announcement fool you, I LOVE me some Netflix and would mention them for free.

Looking for something new to binge-on? Check out Netflix's new fall lineup! There is definitely something for everyone.

Bus Driver From Hell

Back to school. The time of year that parents everywhere have been counting down towards for the past several weeks. Not because we don't love our kids, but because we have been so busy caring for their every. single. desire for so long that now we need a breather.

photo courtesy of Rawich at freedigitalphotos.net
Sure, I have joked with the best of them about how much I want, no NEED, my kiddos to head back to school (and I certainly meant it at least half of the time!) But the reality is, as much as I need some sane time to refresh, and clean this giant pit-hole-of-a-house, I do miss them during the day and want for them to be safe. They are my babies. I am excited right alongside them. I cry for them when they hurt. I am scared for them, which brings me to today's topic: school buses.

Riding the school bus is a necessity in our house. My husband and I both work outside of the home, making it near impossible to shuttle our four children (in three different schools with different school hours) back and forth to school each day. And so, each morning, we entrust our children's lives into the hands of another human being. The bus driver.

Now, I don't envy that job for one single second. Just the mere thought of a vehicle full of excited, screaming, sometimes crying children makes me cringe. It certainly takes a certain (very brave) type of person to tackle that challenging job.

And I respect that.

With that being said, it is my opinion that is a person can not handle those types of situations with finesse (and an obscene amount of patience that I do not possess) than maybe the job of bus driver is not a good fit. It is not like that is the only job in the world. There are plenty more to choose from, and we live in a country where we are allowed the luxury of choosing.

This is why I cannot seem to wrap my head around the fact that for the past several years we have been un-blessed with a HORRIBLE bus driver. She is rude. She is mean. She starts each day with a scowl and a gruff "Hurry up and sit down" and ends it with the same. And no amount of my kindness has been able to change it.

She is The Grinch of the bus garage.

Now, before you think I am just exaggerating, let me tell you how I know she is so horrible. Three years ago, she literally shut me in the bus door.

Let that sink in. SHUT. ME. IN. THE. DOOR. OF. HER. BUS.

After pulling in to the bus stop at the end of the day, she kept the bus door shut and was yelling at the kids. I could hear her from my apartment, which is around 100 feet from the bus stop. I proceeded to walk to the bus stop and patiently wait for her to open the bus door, which took her another five minutes, during which, she continued to scream at the children on the bus. Upon opening the door, I approached the bus stairs and kindly asked "Is there a problem on the bus today?" to which she proceeded to scream at me about how awful my children are. This took me aback, because even though they can be a challenge at home, they are always good at school. So, I apologized for her frustrations and nicely asked her to "Please refrain from screaming at my children on the bus. If they are challenging you, please let ME know and we will handle it appropriately at home." Apparently that statement sent this loon over the edge, because she shut the door, while I was still standing in it, put the bus into gear, and started to drive off. I had to JUMP out of the way!

That whole debacle turned into a FULL YEAR of us battling the bus garage, because the bus tapes "mysteriously" dissappeared from that day, and we ended up driving our children to and from school daily for the rest of the school year. At the end of that school year, we were told by the bus garage that she had been "disciplined" and our children should be fine on the bus.

The following year, we put our children back on the bus, only to have another issue. This time, she yanked my daughter back onto the bus by her backpack when she tried to exit the bus while being bitched out. And again, the tapes magically were not working that day. It took us several months, AGAIN, to battle the bus garage, and after threats of a lawsuit, we were given a new bus driver and a new bus route.

Finally, we felt peace about our children riding the school bus.

This year, our youngest child starts kindergarten. What a magical time of our lives! It should be exciting to see her skip to the bus stop, braids swinging. It was exciting this morning as I walked her to the bus stop for the very first day of school.

Until the bus pulled in and we saw that same grumpy-faced bus driver of our nightmares sitting behind the wheel.

Here's to hoping that we have a fun and safe school year. But if we don't, I won't be dealing with an extremely unhelpful and unjust bus garage this time around. This year, Momma Bear has her claws out.

And the police department on speed dial.

Do your kids have to ride a school bus? How do you feel about that? Share your stories with me!

Miss me this summer? I sure missed you! We had a super busy (and fun) summer and I just couldn't find the time to write and my ranking over at Top Mommy proves it... I have slipped from the top of the list to the very bottom! Won't you please take a moment and give this banner a click? Every click helps improve my ranking and makes me more visible to awesome readers like you. Thanks for all of your support!

Four fun science experiments for your little scientist

Has the summer turned your kids brains to mush? There is nothing like a little "science" to get their little minds turning again. (And JUST in time for school! Yay!)

My kids LOVE science experiments. And they love making a big ole mess even more. We have done many a science "project" around this house and they ALWAYS end a ginormous mess. Thankfully, I have found a way for them to have some science fun and keep the clean-up to a minimum. Score!


So, if you have a blossoming scientist in your house, here are some quick and easy experiments that will satisfy their ever-growing curiosity. (Or at least give you a FEW minutes of peace. Hey, we gotta take what we can get as parents.)


1. The Lava Lamp
What you need:
Water bottle
Vegetable oil
Food coloring
Effervescent tablet (Denture cleaner)

Remove the label from the water bottle. Pour out 1/4 of the water. Add a couple drops of food coloring to the remaining water in the bottle. Mix well. Fill the bottle the rest of the way up with vegetable oil (leave a small space at the top of the bottle) Drop an effervescent tablet into the bottle and cap tightly. Watch the colored bubbles float around just like a lava lamp! For even more fun, shine a flashlight through the bottom of the water bottle.

2. Ice Fishing
What you need:
Small plastic container
Ice cubes
Table salt
String

Fill the container 2/3 full with water. Add a couple ice cubes. Sprinkle some salt on top of the ice cubes and then lay the ice on top of the salted ice cubes. Wait about a minute, then lift the string to see how many ice cubes you caught. Try it again without the salt. How many do you catch both ways?

3. Green Penny
What you need:
Small petri dish with lid (or a shallow container works just as well)
Penny
Paper towel
Vinegar

Fold a paper towel a few times so that it fits into the bottom of the petri dish. Pour in enough vinegar to soak the paper towel. Put the penny on the paper towel and cover the container. Take a look at the penny every few hours to see what happens. (Keep the penny in the dish for an entire day for best results.) Try the experiment with other coins and see what happens. Are the results the same?

4. Morphing Straw
What you need:
Clear plastic jar
Drinking Straws
Cooking oil

Fill the jar 1/2 full with oil. Put the straw into the jar until it touches the bottom and push it to one side of the jar. Bring the jar up to eye level and turn the jar slowly. Watch the straw. How does its appearance change as the jar turns? Can you make part of the straw dissapear? Try the experiment again using water instead of oil. Do you get the same results?

**These experiments are brought to you courtesy of Netflix who provided my daughters with a very cool (and Top Secret) experiment kit in exchange for this post.

If you want more fun, check out the new original Netflix series Project MC2, where smart is the new cool. My girls really love this show and yours probably will too! Here is a sneak peak:

Here are a few more shows that will get their little minds back into gear for the school year!

Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius How the State Got Their Shapes Odd Squad Reading Rainbow Magic School Bus The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That! As always, thanks for reading! If you would please take a minute to click this banner, I would really appreciate it!  Every click helps improve my ranking at Top Mommy Blogs which brings more traffic to this blog and it only takes a second of your time! xoxo

A walk to the park

If it is warm and sunny, chances are, your kids will want to go to the park. And since you have been on a fitness kick, you will decide that walking the half mile to the park is a great way to burn some extra calories so that you can afford to eat that bowl of ice cream you have been craving.

So you will grab your phone and a book, lock the door, and you will walk.

With your kids.

Along that walk, your kids will notice some wildflowers growing, and they will pick you some. Their beautiful yellow bouquet will remind you that you are allergic to dandelions. Unfortunately it won't remind the kids, who will find that blowing the dandelion seeds is a delightful game that makes mom sneeze.

All that laughter will remind the kids that it is always super fun to cross a busy street. Thankfully there aren't any cars coming as your five year old darts across it without looking. So you will run across the street too, screaming like a wild banshee, which will remind the kids that while crossing the street is fun, it is even more fun to run way ahead of you so that you have to chase them.

All that running will remind you why you don't like running. It will remind the kids that trespassing through people's front yards and picking flowers out of their flower beds is even more fun than darting across a street while mom screams.

You will finally reach the park, though your sanity may be trailing slightly behind the pack.

Reaching the park will remind you that you brought a book and can maybe have five minutes of peace and quiet to catch up on some reading.

Reaching the park will remind your kids that it is always fun to climb up to the top of the rope tower and scream for help getting down.

You put down your book and head out to the rescue.

Coaxing a frightened five year old down from the top of the playground equipment will remind you why it is stupid to bring a book to the park. It will remind your five year old that she really does love to climb that thing and she will climb back up again. And again. And again.

You finally persuade her to try something different so that you can sit down with your book.

Then your phone rings. It is your husband. He is on his way home from work. You attempt to spend two minutes talking to him and of course, that is when your five year old decides to climb up a twisty pole on her own and bumps her chin. You hang up the phone to comfort her.

Bumping her chin will remind her that she hasn't been up the rope tower in a while and she will start that fun game all over again.

You will finally get the kids playing independently and sit down to read your book.

That is when you will notice that the temperature has dropped slightly and the sky is starting to get a little darker. Wait. Was that a raindrop? You are reminded that you have to walk home and you attempt to gather up the kids to start the trek back home.

You telling the kids that it is about to rain and you need to leave, reminds them that they never went down the slide. And because you can't go to the park without going down the slide (five hundred times) they will run up the steps to go down the slide.

You will feel another raindrop and remember that not only did you walk to the park, you are carrying a book and a cell phone and don't have any pockets. You will tell the kids that if they don't come now, they will have to find a new family because you are leaving, with or without them.

This announcement will make your five year old run back up the steps to the top of the slide for "one last time."

You feel another rain drop.

Feeling the rain drop will remind your kids that you have to walk home. And they will come running. It will remind you that you don't have a safe place to put your phone to keep it from getting wet and you will set a faster pace.

Seeing you walk faster, will remind the kids how fun it is to run way ahead of mom on the side of a busy street. You will run after them, screaming like a wild banshee. Again.

You will feel more rain, as it starts to come down in a light sprinkle. This will remind your five year old that she really doesn't like rain which will set her into a panic. She will cry and carry on and act like she is sugar and the rain is going to wash her away.

During all that fuss, the rain will start to come down even harder. That will remind your five year old that rain is wet. It will also remind her that when it rains on you, your clothes stick to you. That will cause her to panic even more. All that crying and carrying on will remind you why it is smart to check the weather before going on a walk to the park.

You somehow make it home from the park without your five year old melting or you blowing your top. You get inside right as the rain stops. When the rain stops, the sun will come back out which will remind your kids that when it is warm and sunny...

You want to go play at the park.

This time, you drive.

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The bills. The laundry. The kids. THINGS. Just piling up.

This was my life.

The 2015 Best of the Guest Blog Awards and Voter Giveaway Rules and Regulations

Welcome to DQM's very first 

Best of the Guest Blog Awards!

This week marks a very special 1-year Blogiversary for A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen's Momma! I would have never gotten this far without ALL of you, my awesome readers and a few really great bloggers who offered to write guest posts for me when I was too busy to keep you all entertained. SO A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!

As a reward for lending me their awesome writing skills (and keeping you guys laughing), I am announcing the very 1st Best of the Guest Blog Awards where my amazing guest bloggers have a chance to win a cool prize based on YOUR votes!

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Kids Say The Darndest Things 2

I had so much fun with my original "Kids say the darndest things" post that I couldn't even help but to put together another addition! This time around, my delightful Facebook fans provided the fodder for this laugh-filled post on the hilariously inappropriate things that kids say.


WARNING: Use the bathroom before reading this post