How to accomplish things on your day off in 16 easy steps

Step 1
Peel yourself out of a warm bed at the horrible screeching of your alarm clock. Find solace in the fact that in exactly one hour you will have EIGHT HOURS of uninterrupted silence.

Step 2
Hurry and help the kids get around for school. After all, nothing motivates a mother more than the promise of solitude! Be sure to almost forget to pack their lunches because last minute panic really gets your blood pumping.

Step 3
Dutifully stand at the bus stop with your kids and pretend to look disappointed when the bus FINALLY pulls in. Refrain from doing cartwheels the whole way home. You don't want to spend your day off in the hospital (or give the neighbors anything else to whisper about you!)

Step 4
Make yourself a giant-sized cup of coffee to help you focus.  Walk away while it brews and forget that you made it.

Step 5
Hunt down a piece of paper and a pen to make a To-Do list for the day. Maybe in the desk? Nope. Not there. In the kitchen junk drawer? Of course not. WHERE ON EARTH ARE ALL THE WRITING UTENSILS IN THIS HOUSE?!!! Finally find a crayon in the bathroom and an old grocery store receipt. Whatever. It works.

Step 6
Begin writing your list. Set it down in the counter when you remember about your cup of coffee. Add creamer to your coffee and then set your cup down on the counter when you realize that you HAVE to at least do ONE load of laundry today.

Step 7
Head off to the laundry room. Try hard to refrain from looking into the children's rooms for dirty laundry, no sense getting yourself all worked up on your day off. Besides, if they have to wear dirty clothes tomorrow it will provide them with a valuable lesson about listening to their mother. Put some laundry in the washing machine. Head back to the kitchen to tackle that list.

Step 8
Completely ignoring the list, settle in at the kitchen table with your phone and catch up on the daily down-low (by scrolling through Facebook.) Remember about that cup of coffee. Oooh, it is still hot! Try to recall the last time you were able to enjoy your coffee without having to reheat it in the microwave fifteen times.

Step 9
Realize that it has been over an hour since putting the kids on the bus and you have not accomplished a thing on your list. Try and remember where you set that dumb ole thing. While searching for your list, remember that you work better when listening to music. Turn on the TV and search for the remote. Now where did the kids put that stupid thing? Turn the living room upside down looking for it. Find it in the bathroom.

Step 10
Now that you have the remote in hand, forget WHY you were looking for it, and settle in on the couch to catch up on some Netflix. You vaguely remember what it is like to pick the program. It feels good!

Step 11
After watching five episodes of your favorite show (THANK YOU, NETFLIX!), realize that you were SUPPOSED to be tackling that list! Whoops. Back to the list.

Step 12
OH NO! You forgot the laundry! Head to the laundry room to move the laundry to the dryer and start another load. Pat yourself on the back that you remembered BEFORE the mildew set in this time. You are so awesome.

Step 13
Open the dishwasher to start a load of dishes. Your phone rings. It's your mother. Answer it. After all, when was the last time you were able to chat without sounding like you had a severe case of Tourettes? And she knows that you are home alone and don't have an excuse for NOT answering. Catch up on ALL the latest family gossip. Realize you have been on the phone for almost half an hour. Tell your mother that you REALLY need to accomplish something today, so you will have to get off the phone. Listen as she tells you five more "important" things. Gently remind her that you need to hang up. Continue listening to her for another half hour. Pretend your other line is ringing to finally get off the phone.

Step 14
Head back to that list.

Step 15
Hear the distinct sound of a school bus rumbling down the road. Look at the clock. WHAT? It must be wrong! It is 3:00 already? Run to the laundry room to look like you are hard at work folding laundry as you hear the children's shouts outside, followed by the slamming of the door and the inevitable "MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM" that follows.

Step 16
Concede that you can't live in a perfectly clean house AND enjoy your day off. It just wasn't meant to be. Besides, kids NEED chores to help build character and responsibility. You can try again next week. Now you get to tackle making dinner while helping with homework.

And that is a whole new list.

photo credit: stock images at freedigitalphotos.net

How do you enjoy YOUR day off? Share it with me in the comments!

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Brennan's Reviews: Fazoli's Restaurant

A Restaurant Review as seen through the eyes of a 5 year old, written by her mother (Because she can't really write yet.) 

Marriage is like a Bra...

Marriage is like a bra.

Well, that's an analogy you probably haven't heard before! But it is true!

Marriage is like a stretchy well broken-in bra!

Brennan's Reviews: Hibachi Grill Buffet

A Restaurant Review as seen through the eyes of a 5 year old, written by her mother (Because she can't really write yet.)

When my mom asks me where I want to eat, I ALWAYS choose the Chinese buffet.

She doesn't ask me very much. I don't really know why she doesn't cuz I know a LOT of things.

Like how to speak Chinese.

I like to practice it on the people who work at the buffet. Hola! That means "hello" in Chinese! I bet you didn't even know that! The girl who came to our table to bring us our drinks was VERY impressed.

My mom...not so much.

I guess she doesn't speak Chinese.

I like this place cuz I don't have to wait for my food to come to me. I don't like waiting. My mom says I have to have "patience" but I don't really like to go to the doctor's.

What I DO like to do is eat. And this place lets me get my own food that I pick myself. Sometimes my mom doesn't like me to get my own food. She thinks I am still a BABY who needs help.

Guess what! I'm not. I am very big. And I can use those pinchy things and get my OWN noodles. That's my favorite thing to eat here. Those long white noodles with EGGS in them. My mom doesn't NEVER make noodles with eggs in them.

It's probably cuz she's not Chinese.

I don't really like how there is carrots in there though. I think that there is sneaky business. Like how my mom tries to do at home with my dinner plate. But I am too smart for all that. So I am REAL careful to pick them ALL out.

I also don't eat the broccoli that comes in the chicken I like. I don't eat green things.

Ever.

Other than that, the food at this place is really good. It's so good that sometimes I need to just sneak a taste before I even get back to my chair!

My mom doesn't like when I do that.

She likes to ruin all my fun. "Use your silverware" she says. "Wait until we get to the table" she says. What kind of fun is THAT?

Not any fun. That's what.

But do you want to know what IS fun? Two words. Chop. Sticks. Did you know that Chinese people use them and not a fork? Well, since I know Chinese words, I need to know Chinese forks too.

And I like to practice using them sticks to eat my noodles. And sometimes jello too. But that is kind of hard cuz that stuff is slip-pry! I would use them to eat my ice cream too, but my mom says N-O in her mean voice when I do that. She makes me use a stupid ole SPOON. Boring!

But it's okay, cuz I REALLY like ice cream.

My mom always says I gotta eat my moneys worth when I go to the buffet.

I think my mom is silly cuz we aren't 'sposed to eat money! But I DO eat a lot of food here.

My mom says that is good cuz this place is EX-PEN-SIVE. My dad said we were gonna have to do LOTS of chores to work off this bill. I think he was just being silly though. He knows I don't like stupid chores.

There are LOTS of things that I like at this place! But want to know what I like the mostest? Fortune cookies!

When you are good and eat all your food, they bring you a cookie that has a message inside! I always make my mom read me mine.

This time my mom said that my message was REAL true. It said something about people liking me to come to their parties.

It's probably because I always pick good presents.

When we are all finished with our food, my mom always makes me tell her how many fingers I think the restaurant gets. She says 1 finger is bad and 5 fingers is I want to eat here my whole life every day.

This time I was tricky to her!

I said this restaurant gets 10 fingers. 10 super-clean-fingers. And I know they are super clean cuz I washed them in the bathroom. Even though there wasn't a stool to stand on.

I think that is kinda dumb.

But I still like this place. And you probably will too.



All opinions in these restaurant reviews are my own and given for free cuz I like to talk and tell stories. Nobody gives me any free food or moneys to tell about my 'ventures. (But if they wanted to, my ears would be listening for sure.)

Did you like my review? Did you know there are more of these suckers?! 

What can I say? I like to eat! You should probably read them too...

The Cracker Barrel Restaurant
Steak 'n Shake Restaurant
Fazoli's Restaurant

I also wrote about a cool movie that I love to watch. You can read that here:
Prima Princessa presents The Nutcracker
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10 Ninja Ways to Enforce Teen Phone Time: A guest post by Dr. Psych Mom

Follow the amazing  Dr. Psych Mom here!

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10 Ninja ways to enforce teen phone time

by Samantha Rodman of Dr. Psych Mom

I recently read an article on enforcing phone time limits.  It discussed “no cell phone zones at home,” “changing your wifi password after 10 at night” and other suggestions to get your teenager off their phone.  

Come on, people.  Woman up.  

Chore Dodging 101

Kids hate chores.

Let's face it, it's a very rare breed of children that jump for joy when parents ask them to do something around the house. In fact, it is such a rare breed that I personally have never encountered one. I would even go as far to say that I would encounter good 'ole  Nessie or Big Foot before I would encounter a child that cherished housework.

My kids have pretty much perfected the art of chore circumvention. If there is a way to skip out, they have tried it. In fact, I think I have seen so many evasive tactics that I could write a chore-war manual.

Thankfully, almost all of their diversions fall into one of these categories (of which I am immune):

The Recovering Amnesiac: This child sees your chore and raises you a five-inch thick homework packet.

Mom: Could you please help me do these dishes?

Recovering Amnesiac: Oh, I JUST remembered, I have a paper due TOMORROW mom! And I haven't even STARTED it. I think it's going to take me ALL night.


The Whiner: Better grab your earplugs before asking this child to do ANYTHING. Two words in and they are already crying.

Dad: You have to fold this laundry up today. Its your chore.


Whiner: All of it?? That's too much! I CAN'T do ALL of it! 


The Pooper: This child has more regular bowel movements than a geriatric on a strict diet of prunes and bran. One word of anything "work" related and this child hits the toilet. For a good half hour. Or until you beat down the door.

Mom: Hey, can I get you to help me...

Pooper: Hold up, mom. I gotta go to the bathroom first. I've been holding it all day...


The Illusionist: This child gives you false hope. They willingly accept the mission and head off in good spirits, but half an hour later you realize they are upstairs reading a book or playing.

Dad: Today is the day you are going to clean your room.

Illusionist: Alright, dad! Let me grab a garbage bag and get to work! (Secretly grabs book off counter)


The Fit-Thrower: If you thought the whiner was bad, this child puts her to shame. If Hollywood had a hidden camera in your kitchen, you would find yourself the center of the next Honey Boo-Boo show with the dramatics this child pulls off.

Mom: Please unload the dishwasher.

Fit-Thrower: Whaaaaat? Now I can't even play outside? I just want to go play outside. (Throws self on kitchen floor) Why do you ALWAYS make me do all. this. work?! My life is oooooover! Nobody even understands me. 


The Flatterer: This child takes the dramatics to the OTHER extreme. They have mastered the art of the compliment. In other words, they know how to butter you up good.

Mom: I need you to pick up the bathroom.

Flatterer: Okay mom. You sure look pretty today. Did you do something different with your hair?

Mom: Well, actually I DID pull out the curling iron today...

Flatterer: It looks good! You should do that EVERY day mom! Do you think you could come in the bathroom and teach ME how to do that to MY hair?

Mom: (excited to be INVITED to spend time with her tween) Sure! 


The Side-Tracker: This child has good intentions. They WANT to please you, but Oooh! Squirrel!

Dad: Go take care of your stuff on the table.

Side-Tracker: (grabs stuff) Okay dad! (sees cupboard) Hmmm. I am kind of hungry. I didn't eat much lunch today... (puts stuff down on counter and makes snack)

My kids have tried it all. And I can't say that I really blame them.

If I had a choice, I would probably try to weasel my way out too.

Title photo courtesy of antpkr via freedigitalphotos.net

What type of chore dodger lives in YOUR house?
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What Wakes me From Sleep? It’s Not What You’d Expect. A Guest Post by Sarah del Rio

If you don't yet....be sure to follow the hilarious Est.1975!

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What Wakes me From Sleep? It's Not What You'd Expect.

by Sarah del Rio of Est.1975

On most mornings, my husband tries to wake up before dawn. It almost never actually happens, but what *does* happen is that his phone’s alarms go off at 3 AM, 4 AM, 5 AM, and 6 AM. With plenty of snoozes in between.

Reasonable Resolutions

A new year. A chance for new beginnings.

Ah, who am I kidding? Every year we make a list of resolutions that does nothing but gather dust. Diets get started only to end in a late night binge because you are chocolate deprived and you don't want to share with the kids. Gym memberships are purchased only to become a place to use the bathroom at 2 am after a night out with friends. (Not that I know that from experience or anything!)

This year, I am making resolutions that I can actually stick to. Resolutions like...

I am going to accept the fact that my girls' room is just going to be a mess. No matter how many times I send them to clean it. No matter how many times I clean it myself. It. doesn't. matter. It will ALWAYS look like this ---->
In 2015, I vow to just shut the door.

Now that is a reasonable resolution. (Until I go insane and ransack it with a jumbo size trash bag!)

I asked some of my favorite bloggers and Facebook funny guys to tell me their resolutions. They came up with a list that is truly do-able.

At least in my opinion!

*****

I will take 5 minutes every morning before I get up to stretch, take a few deep breaths, and be mindful. Just kidding. I am going to go back to sleep and pretend I don't hear my alarm until my husband yells at me.
-Meg from Megsanity. Women, psychology and expletives
Find her blog at www.megsanity.com

*****

I tend to sing a lot with my kids, changing the lyrics of the songs to get them to follow directions. This year I resolve to no longer use the "Hokey Pokey" tune as a clean up song.
-Serendipity from Mother of Serendipity
Find her blog at www.motherofserendipity.blogspot.com

*****

I strive to be the winner of the MEANEST Mom of 2015 Award by making my teen vacuum the house every time she gets lippy with me, thus securing my nomination.
-LauraLynn from Steel Workers Wife
Find her blog at www.steelwrkrswife.wordpress.com

*****

I vow to not eat any more Doritos. No matter if they are being served at a Super Bowl party. No matter if I am sticking my hand into a bag at 7 am to portion them out in a baggie for my son's lunch. No matter if I am PMSing. No matter if I have a crap day with the kids and I DESERVE THEM DAMN DORITOS! (Oh hell. Who am I kidding? Hand me the Doritos.)
-Ashley from Big Top Family
Find her blog at www.bigtopfamily.com

*****

I'm going to exercise more, because it clears my head and makes me a better mom. Hahaha not really. I exercise because it gives me an excuse to get the heck out of the house and have some damn time to myself, and perhaps, more importantly, makes caloric room for cookies.

-Kristen from Abandoning Pretense

Find her blog at www.abandoningpretense.com

*****

I resolve to get all the toys out of my bed!...By this, of course, I mean all the random toys my kids bring with them when they crawl into my bed in the middle of the night. My bed used to be the place where all the magic happened. The only magic happening there these days is the kind that makes me feel like I closed my eyes 2 seconds before the alarm goes off. 
Can I change my resolution? Maybe I need to resolve to find time for some of that "good" magic...
-Aeron from Inappropriate Bursts of Laughter
Find her blog at www.innapropriateburstsoflaughter.blogspot.com

*****

I am going to learn to accept the fact that my son will always be up at an ungodly hour when I hope to sleep in. And I will just get up and make breakfast instead of trying to convince him to go back to bed for 30 minutes before I get up. And I will accept the fact that once breakfast is made, and I'm wide awake, he will go back to sleep without eating.
-Tonie from Thoughts of a Future Alcoholic

*****

I resolve to have no guilt about skipping over the longest pages when reading to my kids if I compensate by making special voices for characters like the puffer fish.
-Samantha from Dr. Psych Mom
Find her blog at www.drpsychmom.com

*****

I will buy Lysol and carpet cleaner and never blame the toddler for the puppy's accident (again). Also, I resolve to never assume the weight for pull-ups sizes is accurate. Just because it says a certain number of pounds, does not mean that is the amount of weight it holds. 2015 will not be another Poomageddon.
-Chrisi from Moe and Co
Find her blog at www.sweetmoeandco.blogspot.com

 *****           

I resolve to spend more time hiding in the bathroom with a secret stash of chocolate and wine.

-Chele from Why Didn't Someone Warn Me?

Find her blog at www.whydidntsomeonewarnme.wordpress.com

*****

I am going to create meals that resemble adult fare versus a fridge purge. I will not make 3 meals a night to be served in different rooms to satisfy all the peccadilloes of our taste buds. In 2015, we will eat like a human family even if I have to zap strap us all to the kitchen chairs.
-Brooke from missteenussr.com
Find her blog at www.missteenussr.com

*****

I will not fake interest in a gym membership, pretend I won't eat that burger, and I certainly won't post a "New Year, New Me" status. No. None of the cliches. If I'm gonna pledge to do something for the new year, I guess it is time to pull out the ole hairbrush (the one I keep hidden in the shower) and turn Punk Rock Papa into Punk Rock Rappa.
-Briton from Punk Rock Papa: Adventures in Fatherhood
Find his blog at www.punkrockpapa.wordpress.com

*****

I am going to stop stressing over my son's non-stop eating and raiding the fridge. I will just stop buying him bigger pants.
-Rebecca from the brand spankin' new blog OrthodoxSunflower

*****

My resolution is to stop freaking out about my boys getting holes in the knees of every. single. pair. of jeans they own. Instead, I will start cutting the pants at the kneehole and turn them into jorts (jean shorts for men). He will be humiliated because people will think he's a University of Florida fan, and that's an insult in my neck of the woods. 

Also, I resolve to drink more Scotch....Because, Scotch.
-Jessica from Herd Management
Find her blog at www.herd-management.com

*****

I will eat at least one meal a day that does not contain goldfish, chicken nuggets, or peanut butter. I will have at least one grown-up meal a day.
-Michelle from Juicebox Confession
Find her blog at www.juiceboxconfession.com

*****

I am going to paint more, bitch less, and try to convince my husband that getting a tattoo is a normal thing to want and I am not going to end up going all "breaking bad" on him if I get one.
-Amber from Mommy Needs Wine, Not Whine
Find her blog at www.mommyneedswinenotwhine.wordpress.com

*****

I resolve to spend more mornings snuggling in bed instead of running around my house trying to make everything look perfect. Everything already is perfect.
-Jen from Motherhood is not for the weak or the sober.
Find her blog at www.motherhoodisnotfortheweakorthesober.wordpress.com

*****

What is your resolution this new year?

We want to hear all about it!
*****

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Don't Shove Your Dirty Socks Under Your Bed...and other parting words of wisdom

Dear Son,

I am so happy for you (and me) that you are (finally!) leaving the nest. It has been a long time coming, but I think I have prepared you well (enough to survive). I will miss you (but not so much that you should visit daily) and think of you often, but I have faith in your ability to make competent, good decisions (or at least ones that won’t kill you). I know you're not one for mushy gushy, so I leave you with this parting advice:

 DON’T SHOVE YOUR DIRTY SOCKS UNDER YOUR BED. I know that your nose is immune to it, but the rest of the world does NOT have that same luxury. And once you are on your own, the laundry fairy will no longer magically appear and wash those balled up, stiff from dried sweat, nose hair killers. You will be On. Your. Own.

 Speaking of dirty socks, DO YOUR LAUNDRY regularly. Don’t let that mound pile up to the ceiling before you notice it! You will have no one to blame but yourself when you open your dresser drawer and find you are fresh out of fresh drawers. And while you may be tempted to just grab up yesterday’s pair and turn them inside out and call it good, I would STRONGLY suggest you refrain! While convenient, the odds of streakage is way too high and is that really a chance you want to take? Besides, you never know when someone other than you (or your mother) might see them bad boys.
 Better safe than sorry, I've always said.

 DON’T BRING STRANGE WOMAN HOME WITH YOU however tempting it may be. I can see you rolling your eyes right now, but at least hear me out! Woman are strange creatures who think way different than you do and while you may see a one night stand as a great release, she may see it as an invitation to be your one and only. So why offer her the opportunity to know where you live?! I mean, if you enjoy middle of the night stalker drive-by’s and a crazy band of her girlfriends anxious for revenge showing up on your door step, then Be. My. Guest.  Invite that crazy broad home. You’ll see.

This might be one you have to learn the hard way.

You always were a hard learner.

 STOCK UP ON TOILET PAPER. Don’t buy it one roll at a time and take the chance. Go to Costco and buy the jumbo pack. And don’t store that stuff in the bathroom so that your roommates can go hog wild with it, or be tempted to recreate Greek Week togas during your Friday night party. Store that stuff in your closet! Believe me, The last place you want to find yourself is on the toilet with nothing to wipe your backside with. And please don’t substitute toilet paper with a dirty sock. (I know you have thought about it.) That’s just gross.

Be responsible. GO TO WORK. Even when you don’t really feel like it. You will thank me for this little gem when your wallet is full enough for some weekend fun. The First National Bank of Mom is officially closing it’s door today, my son. Sorry for this late notice. I hope you understand. Mom is going to use that extra money to take the vacation that she has been putting off for 18 years. I’ll send you some pictures!

And don't let your friends, roommates, or current girl-fling convince you to fill their wallets too. They have arms. They have legs. They can get off their behinds and make their OWN money.

And if your roommate is a quadriplegic, I apologize for the stuff I said before, but they can still figure something else out.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK. I know after 8 years of hearing me nag about this topic, you should just automatically know it, but I have a hard-core suspicion that you don’t. If you thought getting through high school was tough, college is even more intense. So unless you want to spend the rest of your life flipping burgers (which is great as long as you remember that the First National Bank of Mom is now closed. See above notification.), you better do well enough to walk down that aisle and grab up that degree!

Speaking of school, DON’T SKIP CLASS. I know how tempting it is to blow off class to (insert: get drunk, get high, get a girl, get lunch) but that won’t get you down that aisle with a degree in your hand. And that is your main goal right now….right?! You need to work hard now and play later. Or at least save the “playing” for when you are not working or going to class. You can have the best of both worlds if you just use your head. You know…that beautiful thing on top of your shoulders! Not your other one. That one is just asking for trouble.


HAVE FUN. Life is short. And while school and work are very important (and should be your #1 priority), fun needs its place in your life too! Make friends. Explore new places and things. Make memories that you can hold onto for the rest of your life.

Trust me…you will need those memories to hold onto when you are old and married and have kids of your own!

IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A JAM, CALL MOM. Don’t show up (unless it’s really bad), but a quick call home and some (expertly given) advice can set you right back on track and on your way. Besides, you know how much your mother loves giving advice! 

You have been ignoring it your whole life. 

Speaking of phone calls…ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN MOM CALLS. Every time. I promise not to bombard you five times a day, but I do worry about you and want to know you are okay! So when I call, you better answer. Unless you are work. Or class. Don’t make me hunt you down. That would be embarrassing!

If you thought the crazy one-night stand stalker was bad, just try and blow off your mother.

I know you are giving me the “yeah right mom” look right now, and that’s okay… as long as you take this advice to heart. You never know when these tidbits of wisdom will be useful! Best wishes son. I know you've got this! I have faith in you (and have changed the locks and booked my flight to Hawaii)

Momma loves you!

And her new crafting room. 

XOXO

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You will find me in the humor section.

Penicillin Pie: A Guest Post by Real Life Parenting

This is one of the funniest blogs out there! Give Real Life Parenting a try!

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Penicillin Pie

by Jennifer Schario-Hicks

I am pretty sure my Mother of the Year award is at least in the platinum stage for as many times as I've won the friggin' thing. Most of the time I award myself in hindsight once I see the even from a slightly removed perspective.

Brennan Tid-Bits: A Facebook year in review.

A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen's Momma started one year ago today with a little old page on Facebook.  I never imagined in a million years that it would grow to this. Or that it would be so popular! Thanks for giving my funny stories an audience. You rock. And if you didn't find this blog from over there, be sure to head over to Facebook and check it out.

This past year has been crazy, full of ups and downs, big changes and little ones, and most of all, laughter. It is hard to believe that I have been at this whole "blogging" thing for a year now! As a little treat for my Facebook 1 year Pagiversary, I have put together my favorite tid-bits from the past year. Enjoy!

-

In Defense of Dad

Brennan: What does the Hulk look like?
Dad: He is just a regular guy, like daddy
Jessi: Except daddy is short, so he is probably taller
Kk: DONT SAY THAT about dad! Hes not short! He's just a little chubby...
Me: *hysterical laughter*
Dad: Ok, Ok....so the hulk isn't really like daddy...
Kaileigh: Its ok daddy! You are warm and good to snuggle!

-

Brennan tells a knock knock joke....

Knock knock

Who's there

Poop

Nooo... we don't say that

OK, fine...knock knock

Who's there

Teeth

Okay! That's better! Teeth who?

I'm gonna knock your teeth out! *hysterical laughter*

Okay, I spoke too soon....not much better!

-

Naughty Lil' Stinker

So Brennan was being pretty naughty and dad asked her "Do you want a spankin?" Of course her response was "Nope" as she disappeared into the bathroom. 2 seconds later I hear "actually I do want one..." So off goes dad to the bathroom where he encounters Brennan with the sink stool wrapped around her bottom, bent over waiting for one.... I should not have been laughing so hard in the living room....

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A fast learner

Me: (to hubs) I am taking some cash out of your wallet to get gas.
Hubs: (counting cash in his wallet) Well that leaves me with 65 bucks for the week...that should be good..." 
Brennan: (running in from other room) Daddy, can I borrow 65 bucks?!

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Mommy's Little "Helper"

It appears I have my own personal fashion consultant, in the form of a 4 year old diva. 
As I was getting dressed and around in the bathrom this morning, she came in, looked me up and down, and said, and I quote, "Oooooh....mom?! You aren't planning on wearing that anywhere today are you?"


So I say, "Um, ACTUALLY, I AM planning on wearing this today.....why? Does it look bad or something?"


"Mom. Its not that simple."


Guess I better sign myself up for the next season of What Not To Wear...

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A Vocabulary Lesson

Brennan: There's a fecker.
Me: A WHAAAATT??
Brennan: A fecker. You know. A fox and a pecker.
Me: Ummmmmmm
Brennan: A FOX AND A WOODPECKER, MOM!
Me: Oohhhh! Well Ok. Maybe we can come up with a different name for that....

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Where does boob milk come from?

Brennan: When I was a baby I drank milk from your boob.
Me: Yes, you did.
Brennan: Does everyone have milk in their boobies?
Me: No, only mommys with babies. Now that you are big I don't have milk in there anymore.
Brennan: Yea! Now I get my milk from the fridge!! 
*pondering*
Brennan: Well HOW DOES IT GET IN THERE??
Me: (thinking quick on my feet) God puts it in there for mommas to feed their babies!
Brennan: (hysterically laughing) How does God pour milk into your boobies?? Hahahaha! That is too funny, mom.

I can only imagine the cartoon in her mind of God with a big carton of milk, pouring it into womans breast. LOL. The way a childs mind works...

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Child's Play

Brennan: Mommy! You thinkin what I'm thinkin?! 

(Pinching my lips closed with her fingers) 

Say mmmhmm. Say it!

Me: mmmhmmm

Brennan: Wanna know WHAT I'm thinkin?!

Me: (Lips still pinched shut) mmhmmm

Brennan: (excited) I'm thinkin you should bring me a PRESENT!!

Well played child! Well played....

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When kids learn insults

Brennan: This is my baby, Ellie Cootie Pock.
Me: Ellie. Cootie. Pock?! Bwhahahaha
Brennan: Don't laugh. I named her that cuz YOU are an Ellie Cootie Pock.

Uhhhh. Was that an insult? I think it was!

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McDonald's Playland for the win... 

(YES, I caved! She is just too dang cute to say "no" to sometimes...and besides...pie...and peace...)

Me: Brennan, leave your American Girl toy at the table please. I don't want to have to climb up there to "rescue" her later....
Brennan: What are you going to do IF I take it up there?
Me: I will take it away.
Brennan: And do WHAT with it?
Me: I will give it to your sister.
Brennan: Weeeellll....WHICH sister?
Me: Kk. The one who WON'T give it back.
Brennan: *hands me the doll*

Yea. I thought so. I got your games, girl. And I am one step ahead. Mom for the win.

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When Good Girls Go Bad

Brennan: (cuddling up to her daddy and being all lovey-dovey) Daddy, I got a headache!
Hubs: (kissing her forehead) Oh, I'm sorry honey!
Brennan: (super sweet) Wanna know who gave me a headache?
Hubs: Who did, honey?!
Brennan: It was you.

I can't stop laughing over here! She sure can deliver some crushing news all covered in syrup. Maybe when she grows up she will work in HR. She can be the person who fires people. 
...If she doesn't end up being a movie star.

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What REALLY Happens When The Kids Are At Play

The kids have been *happily* playing outside for over an hour. 

Hubs: We should probably call the kids in...
Me: (looks at clock) Uh, do we HAVE to?! Can't we just leave them out there? They'd be okay out there overnight, right?! They could always sleep under the deck...
Hubs: Or in the car!
Me: YES! Besides, it's not even dark yet. Let's not give up so easily.
(Goes back to watching TV)

Five minutes later
Hubs: We are bad. You know that right?!
Me: Nah. We are just smart. Now shut up before you jinx it.

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The Little Lies We Tell

As a big storm is rolling in-
Brennan:*frightened* Is that thunder, momma? I don't LIKE storms!
Me: Yes. But it's ok. We are inside and safe!
Brennan: *Looking out the window* Wow! That sure is a lot of rain, momma!
Me: Yes, it's really coming down!
Brennan: Is God bowling AND crying, momma? Why would he be doing both?! ....OH, I KNOW! He is probably crying because he's not winning!....OR.....maybe he is crying because I have been so naughty....

Yea. I PROBABLY should have said something about that last part. But NOBODY said I was perfect! I wonder if that will make her pick up her markers like I have been asking her to do for the last half an hour?

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What was your favorite story from this past year?

And be watching for more "Tid-Bits" in the near future

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