Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Well, that's just the poops!

My 4 year old daughter, Brennan, has an eating problem.

It's called picky eater syndrome.

And I don't mean "eww, veggies are gross" picky, I mean, doesn't eat veggies, fruits, or basically ANYTHING healthy, picky. And believe me we. have. tried. The pediatrician recommended "tricking" her by "hiding" the things we WANT her to eat in things that she WILL eat. (Which is basically meat, cheese, yogurt, cereal, potatoes, and pasta) But she is just too dang smart for all that jazz! She has been known to pick a pea OUT OF a pasta shell covered in cheese.

HOW DID SHE EVEN KNOW IT WAS THERE?!

Well, all this pickiness leads to another problem. A big one. Constipation. This girl gets so bound up that I swear poo should be coming out her nostrils. She has to take (prescribed) laxatives daily to keep her regular. And sometimes not even THAT works. Like this past weekend, when we were camping. She didn't go the ENTIRE time. And after days of hotdogs, burgers, chocolate, and graham crackers....one can only IMAGINE how bound up a 4 year old could be!

That's where the fear comes in.

Now, she has been constipated for SO long, that she REMEMBERS what it feels like to give birth to a giant turd via her butthole. And she gets herself all kinds of worked up thinking about it. So when the meds start kicking in, and she NEEDS to go....she holds it! She holds it until she can't possibly hold it in any longer. Then we have a 2 day cry-fest as I try to coax and cajole her into sitting on the potty.

And I usually fail MISERABLY.

9 times out of 10, she ends up walking around, crying, until she "accidentally" goes in her pants. Which is EXACTLY what happened this time. So be it. We cleaned her up, put her in clean pants and went on with our day. No yelling. No scolding. Just hugging and changing. (Can I get a MoTY now??! If THAT doesn't earn me one then I just. plain. give. up.) And at least it is over. ....Right?

No. Oh no! One could only DREAM that it would be over. But over was FAR from sight.

Fast forward a day. Off to my best friend's house to have a fun afternoon in her inflatable backyard pool, while we grown-ups get a (much needed and DESERVED) chat session. We should have known better than to expect anything even CLOSE to that! Less than 10 minutes in, Brennan has an "accident" (of the diarrhea kind)  in her pants. No biggie. (For me... cuz I was picking up pizza, so my friend had to clean it up! Hehehe) So she got her changed (into her swimsuit) and sent her on her way.

To the pool. In the backyard.

Ten minutes later, I am standing in the front yard, and here comes Brennan, through the garage, from the backyard, with poo DRIPPING EVERYWHERE! Seriously, she left a poo trail through the garage and down the driveway into the front yard. EEEEEK! So I did what any good mom would do and freaked the heck out calmly said, "Oh lordy, I hope you didn't poop in the pool!!!! Oh. You had an accident. Let me help you." And I did the only reasonable thing I could think of.

I grabbed the hose.

And there, right in the front yard, with cars driving by, I sprayed the poop right off that girl. I pulled out the back of her swimsuit bottoms, and hosed off her little behind. Then I sprayed all the poop off my friend's driveway and out of her garage. Checked the pool for any signs of "leakage" and sent Brennan back to play. (What?! I was TRYING to have some much needed "mommy" time, remember?!)

Twenty minutes later, I look out in the front yard and there is my friend's son in the front yard filling up his little yellow sand pail with the hose. So, of course, I went out to tell him to get his little butt in the backyard investigate. I asked him what he was doing and he points.... to Brennan, dripping poo AGAIN! And here is her little friend filling up his pail to clean her off! How sweet! (And slightly disturbing!)

Sooooo, back to front-yard hosing. Ugh. People really give you the strangest looks as they drive by!

And after that, I called it quits on having any mommy time and packed up my little party pooper and went home. Where she didn't have another accident.

Of course.

Some days I just can't catch a break!

What kinds of things have your kids done to ruin your mom-time?


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8 comments:

  1. I can kind of relate. AirMarie was on prescription laxative all last winter. Her dr said the heat was messing with her and bounding her up. Never had heard of that being possible, but I guess the dr would know. Anyhow, she ended up pooping on herself sooooo much! Literally everyday. Every single day. She would also cry because of the memory of the large poops she had in the past. It's tough! But you are doing a great job!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! :) It has been rough, but some moments really are quite comical...such as this one. Great blogging fodder! LOL

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  2. Omg. I laugh AT you but that shit sucks. Pun INTENDED.

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  3. <3
    I can relate to this post! One of my little darlings was constipated literally from birth until the age of like 4. She was on prescription laxatives, and thankfully has outgrown all of her issues!

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    1. So there is hope?! LOL Brennan is 4-1/2 and we STILL battle this. Ugh.

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  4. Wow. That's my nightmare. I think we're past our constipation problems with our almost-4-year-old. If this happened to me, I would freak out.

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  5. I relate so much to your post as my son is a selective eater as well. His is a more serious case and is more neurological. Im pushing my Pediatrician for a diagnosis because it's in the DSM 5 and we've been struggling with this since he started solid foods. When the poop happens it's a relief and if it's everywhere I clean it up and have a good cry. I started him on a Juice Plus vitamin regimen and it's working on keeping him regular. I know this post was over a year ago so I hope you don't have to go through the picky eating maze. And most of all I'm glad you can see the humour in the situation of shit happens and thank God for quick thinking and garden hoses close by. 😉

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