Thursday, October 23, 2014

The 10 most annoying Facebook moms: A guest post by Tracey Schaefer

A funny post written by Tracey Shaefer, who doesn't have a blog just yet, but spends her time entertaining the masses on her Facebook page, Spit Up, Meltdowns and Blowouts. Go check her out!

The 10 most annoying Facebook moms
by Tracey Schaefer of Spit Up, Meltdowns and Blowouts

When fellow blogger, Lisa Petty of Petty Thoughts published her hilarious article “10 Tiresome Facebook Friends” back in August, it got me thinking about another strange subspecies of Facebook animal.

A beast that I've had extensive contact with in it's natural habitat: The Facebook mom.

Now don't get me wrong, we love moms! We also love Facebook! But moms on Facebook? 

Not so much.

Most moms big-puffy-heart Facebook. Sharing, chatting, commenting and foisting pictures of our kids on mildly interested semi-strangers is what. we. do. Back in the olden days, (and by that, I mean the 90's), moms had to use a device called the telephone to do these things or, even worse, we had to actually drop by. Now, we can be annoying while eating Cheez-Its, in our sweatpants, at midnight, basking in the comforting blue glow of our laptops.

But some moms have gotten so out of hand with this Facebook thing, that I don’t think even Mark Zuckerberg could have envisioned their antics! Maybe you’re friends with one of them. (In that case, I feel sorry for you.)

The Extreme Couponer:

This mom posts impressively staged photos of the stacks of fruit roll-ups, paper towels, maxi pads and dog food she got ALL FOR ONLY $14 (!!!). She brings her couponing binder to mom events so we can “share this journey together!” 

She will un-friend you if you haven’t installed Target’s Cartwheel app on your phone.

The Cloth Diaperer:

She posts inscrutable messages, such as, “Should I use a Microfiber Terry or Hemp French Terry pocket insert with a GAD?”, that can only be deciphered by the Cloth Community, and she uses the word “sustainable.” A lot. 

She will un-friend you if you’re not hypoallergenic and fragrance-free.

The Photo-OVERsharer: 

She’s recently added 138 new photos to the album ‘Aidan: My Reason for Living.’ while frequently promising "just one more” and admitting she “just can’t resist sharing another.” 

She will un-friend you if you don’t comment on Aidan’s adorableness. Every time.

The 31 Bags/Premier Jewelry/Mary Kay/Scentsy/Pampered Chef/[insert product here] Salesmom:

This mom expresses giddy excitement about “this season’s line” even though it looks a lot like last season’s line. 

She friends you just so you can be one of the 436 people invited to her online shopping party and un-friends you if you haven’t asked for a catalog. 

The Mommy Blogger*:

She thinks that every funny thing her kid says is worth a three-paragraph post. 

She friends you just so she can invite more people to like her page and she un-friends you if you haven’t shared one of her posts (because “sharing is caring”). 

The Drama Queen:

This gem loves to stir the pot with vague posts like “Boy, a mom really knows who her friends ARE and AREN’T after a day like this” that make you wonder if you're the one who has just been thrown under the bus. 

She friends you just to make another mom jealous and un-friends you for no apparent reason.

The Workout Princess:

She’s still trying to lose that baby weight, and you’re hearing about it – one agonizing pound at a time. She posts photos of her Polar fitness monitor display during workouts and shares healthy food porn. 

She un-friends you if you don't like her 500th "I'm off to the gym" post.

The Activist:

This loud and proud mom posts that her sons are “intact and loving it.” while sharing links to anti-vaccine articles. She also likes to post graphic breastfeeding photos just so she can complain when Facebook removes them. 

She un-friends you if you don't take her side. 

Your Mom:

She’s your mom. And she’s on Facebook. She hasn’t figured out how to “Like” anything or “un-friend” anyone. And she asks you to explain it. Again. And again.

My Mom:

She’s my mom. And she’s on Facebook. She hasn’t figured out how to “Like” anything or “un-friend” anyone. And she asks me to explain it. Again. And again.

These Facebook moms can be annoying, but be kind. Like other addicts, they deserve our pity, not our scorn. Read them with a chuckle. Read them with a smile. And read them with one finger poised over the “un-friend” button.  

*Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.

Tracey Schaefer clings to her sanity in the D.C. suburbs while taking care of her husband and two young sons and spending way too much time on Facebook. You can follow her hilarious journey through parenthood on her Facebook page; Spit Up, Meltdowns and Blowouts.

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