Monday, June 30, 2014

Saddle up the horses....I'm going on tour!

So that title doesn't really make sense. But it sounded good in my head. And to be honest, well... I am super excited to have been invited to take my (self-proclaimed) fan-tabulous blog on tour! So I may be a little bit loopy!
I even took the time to make my OWN someecard to announce it instead of Googling someone elses! (I know, right?! That is pretty BIG! And it IS a great someecard!)

But before I get started about me, let me introduce you to the awesome blogger who invited me: Lisa from Petty Thoughts who blogs about all kinds of ramblings, all while wearing yoga pants, holding (and talking to) her cats, and delighting in embarrassing her teenage son. She's a multi-tasker. And pretty dang funny.
Go check out my favorite post of hers: Metallica keeps me from viciously pinching my loved ones. BUT NOT YET! First read about me! It is MY tour, after all!

First things, first- you know you wanna know ALL about me! (Or maybe that is all just in my head...but hey, it's my blog, so I am going with the first one) 

Let me go ahead and satisfy your curiosity. 

What am I working on?
Weeeeell, I am currently going to town on a blog all about my great-ness as a writer. Too bad nobody else has realized it and offered me a big book deal. huh. Somebody better get on that real soon. But, in the meantime, I will continue to write tid-bits about my life as a mom of seriously dramatic daughters. And one poor teenage boy who lives in a sea of estrogen. And whatever else tickles my fancy that day. A bug has been planted in my ear about writing a book of "Brennan quotes" so I have been playing around with that option (in my head...but we all gotta start somewhere!) as well. We shall see where life takes me...

How does my work differ from others of it's genre?
I started out writing the funny things my youngest daughter said to me on my personal facebook page and it became so popular that when I was encouraged by a friend to "blog" them, I created a facebook page called A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen's Momma as an outlet. Since I am social media stupid, it took me a while to start blogging, but I am (kinda) getting the hang of it now. I would like to think that my natural sarcastic wit shines through in all that I write. I am not sure if that is different from any other over-worked, under-paid, snarky mom....but I do a lot of writing about my kids and as far as I know...they are only mine and not double-timing me with some other momma, so that makes my stories unique. And if they ARE double-timing me, I really should be using that time to write more!

 Any volunteers?

Why do I write what I do?
I love my kids. They make me laugh. When I am not wanting to strangle them. (<---that's a joke, before you get your tights in a tangle) So I write mostly about them, as a way to remember the hilarious moments later, since I have the memory of a 90 year old alzheimer's patient. I occasionally write about other things, mostly things that I find humorous. I love to make people laugh. 

And I am a bit of an attention whore. 

Well, at least I can admit it.

How does my writing/creating process work?
I know all you other writers are probably going to smack me for this, but MOST of the time, the words just flow from my mind through my fingertips onto the screen. I have always enjoyed writing, but never really paid much attention to it. When I have something to write about, it just bubbles out. Now, when I am under pressure or told exactly WHAT I need to write...then I find myself staring at a blank screen. And it never fails, that most of my great ideas come when my kids are being the most demanding and I can't get them down on paper. So I have started jotting notes in my phone and hoping that I can remember what my train of thought was when I have a chance to sit down with them. I have lost more totally awesome blog posts that way! So for now, I am mom during the day and writer after bedtime.My poor husband! I just keep bribing his compliance with dreams of becoming rich from my first book deal. (Shhhh! I am ok with his ignorance!)

And that's it folks! Now you know a little bit about the momma behind all the drama on this blog. Probably more than you wanted to know...but oh well! No take backs. 

Now take a minute and stalk a couple of MY favorite blogs:

First up, Tracy On The Rocks. She is a lover of both cocktails and funny movies. And she does a great job weaving stories out of her "rocky life". Besides, her mom says she's funny and that is really all that matters, right?! I also have to point out that we share the same name (only mine is spelled with an "i") so that automatically makes her cool in my book! But her blog post A Little Piece of Me Dies Every Time I Get a Voicemail was the quencher that did it for me! If you EVER ignore your voicemail....you need to read this post!

And lets not forget, My Dirt! She is a tattooed lover of lists who has 4 daughters and aspires to be on the Ellen Degeneres Show (well, who doesn't?!). She is a fellow karaoke queen who blogs about all things dirty. And by dirty, I mean her life with kids, not porn...so get your head outta the gutter! Here's some dirt that I think you would enjoy: How To Be A good Neighbour

What are you still reading for?? Head on over and check 'em out!


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Friday, June 27, 2014

I'm Gonna Party Like It's My Birthday...Oh wait....IT IS!

Casa de Drama- A weekly summer recap in pictures 

In a surprising twist of fate, I find myself looking forward to summer break this year. Weird, I know! But nonetheless, here I am! To commemorate this (unexpected) feeling, I am kicking off this summer long series, where I will give you a glimpse into our daily lives through pictures and brief "recaps" of some of the funny things happening in this crazy zone we call home! 
Welcome to my Casa de Drama...




This week was a typical summer week. Full of boredom, bickering, and craziness. But it had ONE good thing....MY BIRTHDAY! Yippie! (Is it sad that I still get so excited about it even though I am in my 30s??!) But first...


The big ladies had a really GREAT time at Summer camp last week! But MAN were they tired when I picked them up! And then we had a Family Reunion to go to and by the end of the afternoon, I had heard enough whine to open a shop! It was an early bedtime kinda night.

Kk was a little clingy the next day (I think she must have missed her momma after all!) and so we had a checkers tourney. She's pretty dang good at that game! She ALMOST beat me. Almost. Good thing we will have plenty of time to practice this summer...she just might end up beating me yet! 


Well, by Monday you could DEFINITELY tell all the kids were back home because the house looked like an F5 tornado had went through.

So dad sent the kids to clean and we were told:
Brennan: *matter of factly* Princesses do NOT clean.
Hubs (and me): *laughing*
Brennan: And STOP LAUGHING! People do NOT laugh at them either!

Well, EXCUUUUSE us, Your Royal Highness! You will have to find a servant to do it for you then. Because if these toys are still on this floor in five minutes you will be one BORED little Princess this summer....

Guess what? When you hide the "princess" story book, you get to read "Corduroy" and BOTH enjoy story time for a change!


This picture was taken AFTER I pulled her dress down!

Things I discovered on Tuesday: 
*My kids actually DO hear what I say, they just chose when to apply it. Like at 7 am when I am trying to sleep and they are telling each other "But mom says....." at the top of their lungs.
*My 9 year old daughter can still squeeze herself in size 4T clothes
*My 4 year old is NOT ok with sharing her clothes with her 9 year old sister.
*When it comes to grocery store begging, teens are way worse offenders than toddlers.
*4 year olds, dresses, and giant fans at the library are NOT a good combination when you are distracted. Marilyn Monroe would have been proud. It sure was entertaining to the little old lady who got a "show"...


Remember that earlier, FUN, ENJOYABLE bedtime?! It was short-lived.

Brennan: Come read my bedtime story
Me: Not tonight. Mommy is sick and my throat hurts too bad.
Brennan: *pouting* But YOU do it BEST. Who is gonna do it then?
Me: Fine. I will read a story that is short that I choose. That is your ONLY option.
Brennan: But I don't LIKE a short story.
Me: Oh well. *Reads story*
Brennan: Now who is going to sing to me?
Me: Not me. I said I am sick. Why don't YOU sing to ME?
Brennan: Fine...
*singing sweetly*
Marking birds don't sing. I will buy me a diamond ring. If that diamond ring don't shine, I will buy you a soaking dress. If that soaking dress don't work, I will buy you a mattress. If that mattress don't work. I will buy me a teddy bear. If that teddy bear don't snuggle. I will buy me a new momma. *gives me a dirty look* cuz mine isn't no good.

These are the moments that make you glad you were blessed with an enormous sense of humor! I think I laugh at the most inappropriate times...but she always makes up for her Diva-ness with something sweet!

The following morning, I woke up sick and spent a good part of it in bed. But when I DID get up, this is what I found    ----------> 

See....she can be so incredibly kind! (Even though I had to re-wash ALL those dishes! It's the thought that counts!)


And ALL that leads up to today...MY day! (Too bad I have been feeling a little under the weather this week...ugh) Anyway....this year I am going to have fun! No. Matter. What. So I am donning a mask and a wheelchair and hitting the town tonight. Will there be pictures?! Oh, I'm sure! So be sure to come on back next week for the next installment of Casa de Drama.
(^You like how I did that cliffhanger right there?! hehehe)


Be sure to catch up on all the Casa de Drama series by reading these previous posts:

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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Camp Freedom

Casa de Drama- A weekly summer recap in pictures 

In a surprising twist of fate, I find myself looking forward to summer break this year. Weird, I know! But nonetheless, here I am! To commemorate this (unexpected) feeling, I am kicking off this summer long series, where I will give you a glimpse into our daily lives through pictures and brief "recaps" of some of the funny things happening in this crazy zone we call home! 
Welcome to my Casa de Drama...
Day 1 of vacation:
Brennan: Mommy, you are my favorite.
Me: I am?! Aww, you're so sweet to me!
Brennan: I am going to marry your boobies someday.
Me: WHAT?!
Brennan: Cuz I love them.

And just like that...we are back on the boob kick. (Actually we never really left it to begin with...) WHEN WILL IT END?! 

On Saturday, we celebrated Daddy Day (since the hubs would be working all day Sunday) with a lunch at Steak and Shake. I really can't take these people ANYWHERE!

Is it possible to eat @SteaknShake without wearing the hats? According to my husband...the answer would be NO! 
#Dorks #AtLeastTheyAreMYDorks

Crazy, fun people ------------>
While waiting for our food, the hubs and I got pretty competitive with the Tic Tac Toe....I said I was the best, he said HE was, we MAY have gotten a little carried away... 
In the end, he couldn't accept defeat, and being (almost) Father's Day and all, I let him be the best. This time. Plus the food came and I was hungry.


Let's move on to Sunday! Father's Day. The day we honor the great men in our lives...

I took the ladies over to see grandpa (my dad) who had his "late-life crisis" parked in the driveway which of course, attracted their attention! I mean, who doesn't want to play in grandpa's new (old) car?! He was even nice enough to give them each a spin around the block and me too! Yippie!

Then we headed out to see our other boppa (my step-dad) and had a blast catching the newly hatched frogs. Millions of newly hatched frogs. And apparently, Disney has poisoned their minds into believing that kissing one will bring you a Prince or something! Ewww! But it did lead to a funny post!
Fun things I found coming out of my mouth today:
*Keep your hands, feet, and TONGUE to yourself.
*Stop sticking your feet out the car window.
*Please stop that obnoxious meowing.
*There is a fine line between fun and ridiculous and you my friend are reminding me of a circus clown... And  not the fun kind.
*I don't think kissing that frog is going to find you a prince...Disney lied.

And summer vacation has begun, folks! Is it bad that I am somewhat looking forward to the big girls leaving for summer camp tomorrow morning for a week??!


Ah...summer camp! Too bad I managed to lose the note with all the drop-off info. And there goes that damn MoTY Award (again!)...I swear, just when I think it is in reach... Thankfully, a friend had hers and camp was saved. (And my week long "vacation" was saved too!)
Hubs: Wow! Are there some more camps the girls can go to this summer?
The teen: Yeah! It is soooo peaceful....
Me: Guys! *insert the look*
Hubs: What??! I love my girls! ....but I also love peace and quiet. You gotta admit it IS nice to watch tv without all the fighting...
Me: Ok. Fine. But we would miss them if they were gone ALL summer...
The teen: Would we??

These two are horrible! I am glad to know the ladies are having a grand time at camp and not here to hear these two baffoons!

P.S. The quiet IS nice. Shhhhh. Don't tell! 


Life with just 2 kids is grand!
So what does one do when half their kids are gone for the week? Well at our house...
Hubs: Let's watch a movie! What do you want to watch?
Me: Let's watch Pompeii. I have been wanting to watch that one..
5 minutes later, the teen has headphones on with his tablet and I am typing away on my blog. Whoops! Sorry hubs! (In my defense....that movie was booooring!) 

Don't you think this pic of Brennan and the teen is seriously the cutest thing ever?! -->

 
<---the teen still kicking cancer's ass, 8 years after finishing chemo!
On Wednesday, we went to the teens yearly cancer (free) re-check, where this delightful conversation took place: 
 Brennan: (putting her pink blanket on my shoulders like a cape) You are an artificial queen, momma!
Me: An "artificial" one?
Brennan: YUP! (grabbing the top of my dress and pulling it UP and speaking LOUDLY) You better cover these suckers up! Nobody round here wants to see your boobies, momma! ...Artificial queens don't do that.
*insert hysterical laughter from ALL the staff and nurses within earshot*

What happens when Brennan is the only one at home? She fills our time with many wonder filled questions and inspirational quotes....such as this:
What made this quote even funnier....she kept asking what girl parts were called and I kept telling her "vagina" and two seconds later she would say "my pa-changa"....Then she asked what boy parts were called and while I pondered whether or not telling her the "right" word would be detrimental to my sanity in public, she came up with her own! Close enough! 
Tea for two! Cousins by blood, friends by choice
This week was fun. Fun for the big girls because they went away to summer camp. Fun for mommy because she had a peaceful (mostly drama free) week with just Brennan and the teen! It's amazing how a little separation does EVERYBODY some good!

And, now they are back and the drama is in full swing. Yay for over-tired campers!

See ya again next weekend at the Casa de Drama... 

Hear all about the beginning of this series with:
Schools out! Schools out! Teacher let the fools out!








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Friday, June 13, 2014

Schools out! Schools out! Teacher let the fools out!

Casa de Drama- A weekly summer recap in pictures 

In a surprising twist of fate, I find myself looking forward to summer break this year. Weird, I know! But nonetheless, here I am! To   commemorate this (unexpected) feeling, I am kicking off this summer long series, where I will give you a glimpse into our daily lives through pictures and brief "recaps" of some of the funny things happening in this crazy zone we call home! 
Welcome to my Casa de Drama...
Well, summer break has officially begun here at Casa de Drama! It has been a crazy busy week and we have had several "big" things happen, including my sweet little baby girl Jessica finishing elementary. Ugh. Which has made me an emotional sap the last few days. Sometimes I am a blubbering fool. Ok...more often than not these days. I think it may be a side effect of getting older...
Anyway...here's what you missed:

Monday-

I went to work. Blah. Monday's are usually horrible for me because I hate getting up early. And I have to be at work at 7. And it's a 30 minute drive. Thank goodness I only have to work 2 days a week!

But all of that nonsense was made up for by my wonderful daughter, Jessica. Here was my Facebook post about it-

You know what is happening at my house RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE?!
I am getting an awesome foot massage by my 11 year old. WITHOUT even asking!
Boom! Jealous? I would be too.
I wish she would stay this age FOREVER! I am not ready for a teenage daughter! And she is soooo sweet.....

Tuesday- 
Brennan pondered about how her dad and I met with this funny little conversation:

Brennan: Where did you find dad?
Me: What do you mean?
Brennan: You know "find" him! When you didn't know him but then you did. Did you find him on a bench?
Me: *laughing* On a bench?!
Brennan: Yes! You found him sitting on the bench and then you kissed him. Then you got married! Right?! Isn't that how it went mom?!


Maybe it is time to lay off the fairy tale movies before she ends up marrying a homeless bum....LOL


That is actually NOT quite how it went. It was a bowling alley bar. Romantic huh?! I was there singing karaoke and he was there playing pool and drinking beer with his buds. But I think I will let her continue to believe in her version a while longer... 

Wednesday-
 I made my FIRST EVER guest blogger appearance! Sticky Fings was desperate kind enough to ask me to write a post for her blog. And I wrote this awesome little diddy:


I also worked all day again. Then I got stuck in a giant Michigan road construction traffic jam for about 45 minutes on my way home, which left the kids to their own devices for dinner. They concocted a meal of ramen noodles mixed with mustard and hot sauce that I have politely coined "Prisoner's Delight" or maybe just "Vomit" and I am most sure could have been crowned the winner over on RachRiot's White Trash Wednesday post (if I hadn't been overwhelmed by crazy kid drama, I probably would have entered it!) ...But whatever. They ate it, not me! I, on the other hand, being off the hook from cooking a gourmet meal, scrounged around and found some stale combos in my purse. Coupled with a glass of wine. Classy, I know! 
The kids were in fine (fighting) form and ended up being sent to bed early, as this post so clearly reiterates-
Jess: (doing homework) Mom can you look up the word fummed. F-U-M-E-D
Me: That is fumed. And it means mad.
Kk: (sitting in time out) Like psycho mad?
Me: Very angry. Yes.
Kk: Oh, so like you are right now?

Hmmmm. You haven't even SEEN psycho yet. But keep it up and it's gonna be a looooong summer. 

Once the kiddos were thrown and duct taped tucked neatly into bed, I rekindled my love affair with my wine bottle and worked on rearranging my blog while the hubs was working late.

Thursday- 

The day I was looking forward to all week. The day my oldest daughter celebrated her transition from elementary school to junior high. I worked Wednesday, so that I could take the day off and get her all dolled up for it. And she asked me to wear MAKEUP! Can you believe that?! I am SO not ready for all that!  

They did a "Candy Grammy" theme and she won the "Bubble Yum" award for her bubbly personality. It was an awesome day.

Which led to this tweet-
I swear. Even simple things like my kids growing up turns me into a blubbering fool these days.
#EmotionallyChallenged
#ShesStillMYBaby
Friday-
Brennan decided that we picked the wrong name for her. I mean..what do we know anyway?!

Brennan (to daddy): You named me Brennan! When I grow up, I am going to name my daughter ELSA!
Hubs:(oblivious) Oooh. That's a pretty name!
Brennan: Yea. And she is gonna have FROZEN powers! And turn things to ice. (top of lungs) "Let it goooooo, let it goooooo...."

Aaaand here we go again!

Which also meant another kill me now WONDERFUL concert. She really oughta start charging admission fees!

Also it was FINALLY the end of this seriously looooong school year (stinkin' snow days. ugh.)
Schools out, schools out! Teacher let the fools out!

We can finally move into our lazy routine of hanging out poolside, wearing pjs all day, and maybe even squeezing in a few naps! Ok...maybe not that EXACTLY...but I AM looking forward to summer vacation this year. I have decided to commemorate that (unexpected and unusual) feeling by writing a recap and taking a picture each day this summer. That way we can look back at the end of summer at all the great things we have (not) accomplished! I will be posting them weekly and calling them "The Casa de Drama Series" so be sure to check them out!


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Monday, June 2, 2014

A Bedtime Tale

For YEARS I have been reading "Green Eggs and Ham", by Dr. Seuss, to the kids at bedtime. I have read it so many times that I consider myself quite the expert story teller....voices and excitement and lots of fun. The kids have always LOVED it. Night after night, begging for the same story. And I delighted in reading it, perfecting it with each telling. I practically know the whole story by heart!

Then tonight happened.

My four year old daughter, Brennan, picked it for her bedtime story for the first time. My excitement was real. FINALLY! I would get to read this great story to my baby! I have asked her time and again to pick it, and she has always refused, favoring fairy tales and Disney princess stories and other such nonsense.. But tonight...TONIGHT will be the night!
I start out with excitement, in my perfected storytelling voice-
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam I am...

"Why does he have angry eyes?"

Cuz he thinks Sam is annoying
That Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam I am. 
I do not like green eggs and ham.
Would you like them here or there?
I would not like them here or there. I would...

"Why doesn't he just offer him something he DOES like?"

not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am.

"WHY DOES THIS STORY KEEP REPEATING ITSELF???!"

(Exasperated) Cuz that is how it is written!

"Well that's dumb. Just give the guy what he wants already! Can we read 'Tangled' instead mommy?"
Psssssshhhhhhhhhhh. That is the sound of my "Green Eggs and Ham" dreams being crushed. The puck stops here.

And so, I put my treasured childhood favorite back on the shelf, pull out the well-worn Disney princess book...

And read "Tangled" for the five millionth time.

This blog post has sections from the childhood classic "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss. No copyright infringements intended.


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Sunday, June 1, 2014

Crawl back under the rock from which you came...and other such non-love stories

Rejection Now that is a word I don't think about very often. Let alone talk about! But there has definitely been plenty of it in my life.

Should I talk about how my middle school crush crushed my dreams (and heart) by telling me I was cute but my "butt was kinda big" in 6th grade?

Ok... that just might be TOO painful! Although, I did get him back in college when I ran into him in a bar and he spent the whole night hitting on me, then went home A-LONE. 

Paybacks a (bleep) boys! 

But why put myself through that kind of trauma when I can flip the script and talk about some of my biggest rejectees?! 

And believe me, there have been PLENTY over the years!

Here are a few of my faves:

Metal Mouth 

First, I need to tell you that I was a little late on getting the braces. I got them when I finished high school and had them until I was 21. (My teeth were pretty jacked up!) I also need to tell you that I was one H-O-T momma back when I was 21. And I (kinda) had an ego to go along with it. 
 

So I was at the bar with my best friend/cousin and a guy approaches me and says, "Haaaay guuurl! I see you have braces...I bet you be LOVIN' this guuuuurl *cue cheesy blinged-out grin* I gots a grill too! We be a match made in HEAVEN guuuuurl!"


Oh HELL no! There "be" no match makin' today! I gotta pass on that grill. And offer. This girl loves a good diamond, but NOT in your gold teeth man!

 Welfare Steve

Then there was Steve. Now Steve had SEVERAL things going for him. He was probably in his mid, 40s, lived at home with his momma, he had a bus pass (for those romantic date nights!), and he had a really great plan to find his next wife at the Welfare office.

I was walking to my car in a parking lot shared with the local welfare office when I hear, "Hey! Hey Girl!" I had JUST made it to my car when I was confronted by a man with no front teeth, who says "Hey! Didn't you hear me calling you girl?! I was tryin' to get your attention to ask you out! My name is Steve and I'm a GOOD MAN. I  got a job. I can treat you right girl!"

WHOA Steve! Slow down! As appealing as all that sounds...you are aware you are trying to pick up chicks outside the welfare office, right?! I'm a gonna have to pass on all that class, Steve, good man, or not. Scurry on back to the bus stop from which you came.

Preggo Pervert

Ah. The wonderful glow of being pregnant. Who would've thought that could be a turn on. (For someone other than your husband, that is!) But I discovered the (horrible) truth while pregnant for Brennan. And at the Public Library no less. In the kids section. Creeped out yet?! I was.

While in the children's section of the public library with my daughters (aged 4 and 6), a man approached me, and says, "Um. Excuse me?! I just wanted to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my whole life. Pregnancy just suits you... And I was just wondering if your baby's dad was in the picture. Cuz if he's not I would love to take care of you and your baby. Can we go out sometime?"

  Wow. Just wow. How ballsy was that guy?! That was the fastest I have EVER grabbed up my kids and gotten out of ANYWHERE... Can we say creeper?! I am just gonna give you a little piece of advice...get out of the children's section when you don't have a CHILD WITH YOU. And what if I had just been fat? That would have been embarrassing.

 

Pocket Full of Numbers

I am saving the best for last. Because this one still makes me laugh. And it wasn't even me getting hit on (at first anyway...)

While at the bar with a friend, a guy walked up to us, reaches in his pocket to "write down his number" (uninvited I may add!) and pulls out a HANDFUL of strips of paper with his phone number already on them! (Whoops!) He hands one to my friend and says, "You are hot. Here's my number... Call me!" She laughed. In. His. Face. I swear to you, not even 20 minutes later, he came up to me and tried the exact same line on me!

This guy comes PREPARED! He's got a pocket full of numbers and one of them has YOUR name on it! Too bad I already caught on to your game when you just tried the same line on my friend. Remember me?! I was the one laughing at you. Next time, slow down on the beers. And don't write out your number in advance.


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