Tuesday, May 27, 2014

All aboard the Hoo Hoo Express!

As any of you who follow my blog on Facebook (click here) know, my 4 year old daughter, Brennan, is OBSESSED with 2 things.


Pretty much daily, she climbs up into my lap, lays her head on my "pillows" (this is where the boobs first come into play), and rubs my fat "baby" tummy. Minus the baby. (Cuz this mom is D-O-N-E, done!) It is during these precious moments that the baby badgering begins. "Why is your tummy so fat? Is there a bay-bay in there?" Followed by "Well WHY isn't there a baby in there? I really WANT a baby to be in there!" And on my luckiest days, she stops there.

I don't get lucky very often. (I am married after all)

When I can't quench her insatiable thirst for a younger sibling THAT way, she starts in on a new angle... "When I was a baby, I drank milk from your boobies!" She says with a giggle. "Why do boobies have milk ONLY for babies?" (She asks this because she previously was told that the Milk Express has permanently left the station and will NOT return without the birth of another baby. And I am pretty darn sure that she is itchin' for a big swig of good old fashioned boob juice) "Maybe you should have a baby so we can get more milk!" Emphasis on the "we" proves my earlier point. Then the crazy boob rubbing and talking comes in. "Oh boobies! I love you so much! You are so boob-e-full! (giggle) Who is my booby, booby?!!" This lasts several minutes and is quite uncomfortable (for both me AND the boob-e-full boobies), until I finally say "THAT'S ENOUGH" and physically remove her hands and try (usually unsuccessfully) to change the topic.

Epic fail.

All that usually does, is kick the stubborn drama-queen into full gear, and I get the "Well I didn't ASK to be the LAST baby! You had 3 (fingers up to prove her point) other babies before me and I don't want to be the littlest." No luck? She pulls out the cuddly soft side with "God puts the babies in there." matter-of-factly stated. Ooooh no... I know what she is REALLY saying: "Haha woman! I get the last laugh. You have ZERO say in whether another baby gets put in that sucker! I will just pray every night for a baby. And you will be SCREWED!"

When those questions get her no where, she puts the REAL baby questions into play! Sticking her finger into my belly button, she asks, "Is THIS where babies come out of?" "No", I tell her, "That is where babies get hooked inside their momma's tummies. Then after you are born, a doctor snips your umbilical chord off and you get a belly button in it's place." Hmmm. This always makes her ponder for a minute or two before she starts getting deeper and MUCH more persistant. "Where do they COME OUT OF then?"

Well, after several hmms and haws over THAT beaut of a question, the hubs had finally had enough. So the last time she asked, he stated, loudly and with hand gestures that I really wish I could emulate in writing, "They come from your VA-GI-NA!"

Cue hysterical giggles.

No seriously. That is what that statement did. She was uncontrollable! "Daddy is SILL-AY! Huh, momma?! That isn't where BABIES come out of!" "Oh yes it is", the hubs counters. "Babies come straight out the Hoo Hoo Express" Still giggling, she looks at her dad, then looks at me, to see me nodding my head in solemn (well, as solemn as I could muster after hearing the term "hoo hoo express" come out of my husband's mouth) agreement.

Huh. "Can I watch a movie?", she asks. Whew! Maybe, just maybe, the hubs has shut her up on the baby makin' questions!

Naw... She will be back at it again tomorrow. I'm sure. This girl sure is stubborn. I wonder where she gets it from?

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  1. Lmfao this kid damn helarious.

    1. She sure keeps my blog (and facebook page) in business! LOL Thanks for reading!!

  2. It'll be great when the teacher asks you about this one. :)

  3. hahaha my niece asked me if I had a baby in my belly, "Not even just a little one?" She asked hopefully. Um no, sorry kid this is just last night's burrito, back off.
    And the boobs- my sister is a petite little thing (Which is probably why the niece is so shocked at seeing my fat belly) and also has tiny ladybits. Therefore, mine are the obsession of this child. Boobs boobs boobs- I think my niece might be a man stuck in a 3 year old's body. Good to know this is "normal" behavior....whatever that means...

    1. Is there even such a thing as "normal" 3/4 year olds?! I am not sure what it is about that age group...but they do start to notice (and obsess over) the private parts... LOL

  4. Hilarious! Hoo haw express! All aboard! WOOT WOOT! lol