Friday, April 3, 2015

Kids Say The Darndest Things 2

I had so much fun with my original "Kids say the darndest things" post that I couldn't even help but to put together another addition! This time around, my delightful Facebook fans provided the fodder for this laugh-filled post on the hilariously inappropriate things that kids say.

WARNING: Use the bathroom before reading this post

Milkin' momma
"When I was pregnant with my first, we were in the store looking at breast pumps when my step son said (not so quietly) 'We better start milking Sacha before the baby comes so he has something to drink!'" -Sacha B

"Out for breakfast one morning and the youngest asked for hot chocolate. The waitress explained that they only had chocolate milk. He politely asks her if they have a microwave. She replied yes and he said, 'Well heat it up, dummy!'". -Lisa K

The Ball Lady
"My son in Walmart, at 4 years old, 'Momma, why is that wady over dar wound wike a big baww?' We were right behind her!" -Christina RJ

My cat's a bastard
"At my daughter's 5 year old well-child visit, the doctor noticed she had some scratches on her legs. We had a very playful 6 month old kitten at home who loved to attack legs under blankets at night. The doctor asked her what had happened. She sat up and said' 'My cat did it. His name is Tanis and he is a bastard.' I was in such a state of shock that my mouth just fell open. I have never heard a doctor laugh so hard in my laugh." -Kristi P

Big-Booty'd Momma
"Im curvy and have always had a pretty voluptuous butt. My child, at the grocery store, yelled 'Hey mom, look! She has a big booty like you!' The woman was less than amused. And I wanted to die." -Erin R

Cock Rider
"When my daughter (Boo) was 3, the hubby and I (her step-dad, btw) took her to Red Robin (a burger joint). We were waiting for our table in the hostess area and Boo noticed a beautiful carousel horse the restaurant had used as decoration. Out of nowhere, this sweet little 3 year old voice says (really excitedly=LOUDLY), 'I ride cock!' The hostesses mouths were hanging open, along with the hubby's and mine. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. And it was worse for the hubby as these hostesses were staring at him like he's a child molester! I couldn't spit out fast enough that 'her nana has a horse named DOCK and she can't say her D's yet.'" -Giggles, Snorts, and Belly Laughs

"Shopping with the grand kids, the middle grand child has a sensitive sense of smell, add to that a lady reeking of perfume: 'Meme, that lady smells,' she said as loud as she could. I tried to shush her, but the child said louder, 'But she smells really bad and its hurting my nose!'" -Mary T

Hey! Check out the fat lady at pump #9!
"At the gas station, my then 5 yr old boy. Jacob, started beating on the window to get my attention while I was pumping gas, and yells out 'Hey, why is that person so fat? LOOK LOOK over there, why's she big like that?' I tried to hurry pumping the gas and get in, but he just got louder, repeating himself, and half the parking lot (including the woman) was looking by the time I was done getting gas. That's how loud he was; I was mortified and felt so bad for the overweight woman he kept pointing at!" 
-Elizabeth B

My kid's a Commi
"Little man anounced that he wanted to be a major 'communist' in the middle of the pizza place, and I asked him what do they do, and he said, 'MOM the go on stage and tell jokes.' Each day I think he is just trying to see how bad he can shock me." -Fox Socks

My oldest son was sitting with his grandpa on the couch when he told him, 'You be a donkey grandpa and I'll kick your Jack Ass.'" -Penny T

Look at his butt, Mom, it is SO big
"We were at Meijer and the guy in front of us was rather large. My son yelled, 'Mom! Why is that guys butt so big?' I'm all red face and embarrassed, telling him (in his ear) that he's being rude and he shouldn't say things like that. He looks at me like I'm crazy, turns back to the man, points and says, 'OK, but look at it mom!'" -Rachel FW

You're not a mom until your kid wants to kill you...
"At Wal-mart yesterday, my 13 year old was pissed at me because I told her she didn't need a candy bar and I refused to buy it for her. She blurted out loud enough for at least 4 checkouts to hear, 'I wish I could kill you'....I said, 'Oh knock it off' and tried to act nonchalant about it, but the cashier looked at me with a sympathy look. I just wanted to pay for my stuff and get out of there!" -Cheryl E

"My daughter said, 'My vagina itches mommy!' while we were inside Wal-Mart. Loudly. I was so red." -Kristina C

Poop Patrol
"My daughter and I were in a public bathroom stall and a lady came in and went in the other stall and then she farted as loud as can be and my daughter says, 'Mommy I think that lady is pooping!!' and then giggled her butt off!" -Brandi V

Toothless Wonder
"We were at the local home improvement store when a very nice elderly man said 'hello' to my then 5 yr old son, without skipping a beat he responded with 'Sir, why don't you have any teeth?' I mean I guess at least he was polite when asking... but I still wanted to die!" -Cristina R

The Wish Master
"My son at the grocery store: I was putting him in the car when he spots a taxi driver wearing a turban and yells out, 'Look mom! A Genie! I want my wish!' I was utterly mortified and he would not let up." -Joy FM


See! You are not alone! ALL kids are embarrassing! I think it is instinctive in children to voice their opinions at the most inopportune times. I mean, why on Earth would they tell you what they are thinking in a whisper voice when you are alone in your car or home? 

What kind of sense does THAT make?

Thanks to everyone who shared their embarrassing mishaps with me! There were soooo many submissions that I couldn't include them all, but you can find (and add to) the inspiring Facebook post here.

Donkey photo courtesy of vectorolie via

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